Whoops. Cape Town’s grand old dame, Mount Nelson, went viral over the weekend and no, it has nothing to do with their high tea.
Mount Nelson, owned by the Belmond group who has luxury hotels (and train and river cruises) as part of their offering has been the victim of not necessarily bad advertising, but rather not well thought-out advertising.
You see, when you pair your dainty sweet treat with a cup of tea, that same tea might not pair well with a big juicy steak.
The same pairing principle counts for the phrase “Let’s (insert hotel name) together”. It just won’t work for all the Belmond properties.
Let’s Villeggiatura together. Great.
Let’s Grand Hotel Europe together. Okay but before we go to St. Petersburg maybe Russia can stop the war?
Let’s Afloat in France together. With arm floaties?
Let’s Napasai together. Uhm Okay.
Let’s Mount Nelson together. You want us to do what to Nelson? Like all together?
We have to ask: who is Nelson? A resident escort, a guest, a stock image model or a just a very willing bellboy who prefers mounting over tips.
After two years of social distancing, it’s great that you are celebrating togetherness Belmond, but do you really think Mount Nelson — the one who has dipped her toes in pink paint since 1918 — is ready for this rendezvous? She is a lady after all.
Is Mount Nelson a cougar?
But also, we hate to ask. No, that’s a lie. We have to ask: who is Nelson? A resident escort, a guest, a stock image model or a just a very willing bellboy who prefers mounting over tips.
Or perhaps it is a new Netflix series?
A Cape Town Affair: Mount Nelson
A new Netflix series, coming soon. Almost.
Episode 1 (Pilot): Solo traveller visits Cape Town. Alone. Ready for adventure.
Episode 2: Solo traveller meets Nelson. His torso evokes a tantalising feeling as she watches him sunbathing in the pool. Solo traveller sets plan in motion to ascend.
Episode 3: Solo traveller nailed the assignment. Together, Nelson and the solo traveller see the sights and mount the mountains. Euphoria. Eureka! It’s getting quite romantic.
Episode 4: But they need more. They are not completely satisfied. It needs some spice. Perhaps oysters. Curvaceous pears. Big hot chillies. Juicy figs.
Episode 5: Two is a party. Three is a crowd. Four is not frowned upon because the invitation did mention “together”.
Episode 6 (final): It’s a climb. But they did it. Together.